Angela’s Boudoir Experience
When I asked Angela to write about her boudoir shoot experience with us, she quickly responded with a "YESI". When I first read this, it brought me to tears. Angela’s transformation has been one of the most memorable ones. Here is her story, written by Angela herself.
Isn't She Lovely...
I actually really hate how I look in pictures. I haven't changed my profile picture on Facebook in 6 years. I was skinnier and younger then, and I happen to be wearing makeup. Why disrupt a good thing?
My boudoir session was meant to be an anniversary gift for my husband-he was always telling me how beautiful I am, even if I rolled my eyes every time he said it. Beautiful after working for 8 hours? Beautiful after spending countless hours cleaning, cooking and chasing two kids? Sweatpants, hair tie, chillin' with no makeup on... beautiful? No. Not quite.
I appreciated the love and compliments, but it was hard to believe him most days. I knew he thought I was perfect, but what was he seeing that I couldn't see? A boudoir shoot would blow his mind. He would never expect it. I could do this for him... I think. I never expected to feel immediate doubt. WHAT was I thinking? Scheduling a boudoir shoot? In front of strangers no less?
I wasn't a sexy person—I knew next to nothing about what looked sexy on me. I had never even seen a garter belt in person. Those could stay with the Victoria's Secret models. I went to my closest friends for support, but all I got in reply was absolute shock. "You're doing WHAT...?" "You're brave." "I could never do that..."
Doubt and anxiety echoed back at me. Never do that? But why not? Why never? My friends are stunning, but I couldn't convince them otherwise. Is that what I was doing to myself without even realizing it? Was I looking down on myself instead of loving myself? If I could build my friends up, shouldn't I be loving myself in the same way? The world makes it so easy to for us, as women, to focus on our imperfections—to focus on all of our flaws. Society presents us with the "perfect" woman on billboards, on the TV, on the internet.
I have struggled for my whole life to love my body. Since having 2 children, I have even more reasons to be insecure than ever. I started to realize how quickly time flies and that hating my body so much was sucking the life out of my 30's. When I had a daughter, my priorities changed. I want her to know that you don't have to be a certain number on a scale or pant size to be valuable, beautiful and worthy. A healthy dose of confidence radiates into beauty and feeling beautiful about yourself is worth way more than feeling beautiful to someone else. Life is too short to not celebrate your body and the amazing things it can do. I decided my 30's would look different than my 20's. I would love my body and be thankful for it!
I prepared for my boudoir shoot as much as I could, checking off all of the things on my list to buy and do to make myself look like a better version of myself. Nails and toes?-check. Hey, ladies, ever had a Brazilian wax?-painful check. Hair appointment to hide my new lovely gray heairs? -check. Buying lingerie from stores I had never heard of, knowing full well I would only wear it once? -check
Then it was here-Boudoir Shoot Day. I shuffled into the studio-wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt-and was immediately greeted by two friendly faces. I was trying to put on a brave face as I laid out my outfits for the day, all the while chatting with Robbie and Liliana, the hair and makeup artist. I'm so out of my element, I thought. I'm not sexy. What if my husband doesn't like the pictures after all? I was whisked into the hair and makeup chair soon after.
"What are you going for today?" Liliana asked me.
"Well...I don't ever wear makeup...and I wear my glasses every day. So..." I was staring at myself in the mirror, the fluorescent bulbs highlighting the blemishes on my face. I didn't know how to reply.
"Do you like curls?"
I smiled. I loved when my hair was curled. I started to get more comfortable. While I was getting my hair and makeup done, Robbie and I were chatting about life, work, photography. I even made a joke about being half naked in front of a group of strangers—and they laughed! Maybe I can do this. Especially when I looked at myself in the mirror once I was done with hair and makeup. I couldn't stop staring. Could I really look that pretty? I genuinely didn't recognize the woman in the mirror-the same mirror where I had just focused on the imperfections of my face. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negative?
It's really all about jumping off that cliff-even if you have a fear of heights. The cliff where all your insecurities hang out and whisper those non-truths into your soul. The cliff where you have never felt good enough. The cliff where we judge other women for what they look like. The cliff's edge that is too damn perfect to leave most days.
But I was determined for today to not be that day. If I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane on my birthday, I could jump off this cliff of imperfection.
The conservative, awkward nerd in glasses finally started coming out of her shell, slowly but surely.
"Look how stunning you are," Robbie rushed over to show me a picture on the camera. And I started to believe it.
Even if I had to play, "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyoncé in my head to hype me up in the beginning. Even if Robbie had to help me hook up my thigh-highs to the garter belt. Even when I couldn't relax the worry-wrinkles on my forehead. Even when I had to cling onto the chair for dear life as I flipped my hair. Even when I was laughing hysterically when Robbie said “no duck lips.” Even when I laid down on the cold, bare floor to get the perfect shot. I finally let go-I felt free.
I could have never imagined what the final product would be.
You would never think that coming back for the Reveal Session would actually be the most nerve-wracking moment of all! After my session, I felt sexy, I felt confident, I felt beautiful. Would all that come through in the pictures?
Robbie showed me picture after picture -a girl I hardly recognized.
"Is that me?! That's not me," I kept repeating.
"Yes! That Is you!" she kept saying. I didn't focus on the flaws and imperfections that plagued my daily life. It was so liberating. For the very first time in my life, I genuinely didn't feel weighed down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Robbie's perspective for me to see myself in a true light. That stunning woman in those pictures WAS me-looking completely and utterly flawless. I was speechless.
Flawless. Me. Used in the same sentence. (I get emotional just writing this.) I had never felt that way before. I felt like I was on top of the world. Is this what it felt like to see me through my husband’s eyes? Is this what it felt like to truly love yourself?
I knew that if I felt this way about myself, there was no way on earth he wouldn't be surprised. I decided to get a photo album for my husband—20 glorious and glossy pages from the boudoir shoot that I flip through myself. I think I look at them more than he does! It's a daily reminder that my self-image has completely changed after having my boudoir shoot. A new level of confidence and acceptance became a part of my everyday life...all thanks to Robbie and Liliana, two people who have the very special talent of finding beauty in everyone.
I feel empowered just being, well...me. I had realized in giving my husband this gift, I had unintentionally given myself the best gift of all.
Love.
Interested in booking your boudoir experience with us?
Call or Text me at 214-393-7673 or email me at robbie@alemanphotos.com
Our women’s only group on facebook is where we as women can come together to encourage and support each other though our self love journey. This is also where we share the latest happenings at Aleman Boudoir.
